When you Audition
Greetings Ya’ll!
Tympanic Theatre would like to thank the men and women of Chicago who came out to audition for Bastards of Young yesterday and Sunday at the Side Project Theatre. We had a ton of people show up, and all of them were very professional and good natured. Having such prime examples of what to do when going to an audition, just reminds me of what you really should NOT do when attending an audition.
If you’re reading this blog, chances are you are familiar with Theatre in general and are probably an actor, writer, director and so on. I’m sure you’ve also heard about Audition Etiquette at one point or another. For those of you who haven’t, please read this! For those of you that have, enjoy.
1. Do not show up DRUNK to an audition. Chances are you will not be cast. This is not because we subscribe to prohibition practices, it is simply because . . . really? Drunk? You’re really going to come in here and waste our time. Not only did you just come in with no headshots and a lengthy story about why you didn’t have said headshots, but you’ve shown up 30 min late and proceeded to ask for more time. Ridiculous. Don’t do it.
2. When performing a monologue it is customary to PERFORM THE MONOLOGUE. Please do not stand there and literally read the monologue off a piece of paper.
3. We encourage people to show up early to auditions! HOWEVER, if we can not fit you in early; throwing a temper tantrum in front of everyone does not bode well for you. Unless we’re looking for crazy, which unfortunately, we’re not. Take a seat with the rest of them and kindly wait for your time slot please or until we are able to pencil you in early.
4. Never, and I mean NEVER come in to an audition and start with “I’m not as good as the last guy”. This kills me.
5. Please wear shoes you can move in. The point is to not look well in heals, but to look good as a performer. (That being said, if you can work some heels? Get there!) That goes for men as well, work those heels!
6. If you are a man . . . AUDITION. For some reason the amount of men that go audition in Chicago is dwarfed by the amount of women auditioning. I can almost safely guarantee that you at least get a callback.
(In no way was I actually stating that male performers will always get a callback because they happen to be male. This was not intended as a slight against women in the theatre community. I happen to love women and men equally as performers. Have I covered my bases yet?)
7. Do not promise sexual favors to anyone in the company pre/during/or post the audition. Not very professional and chances are you just slept with the lighting designer who really can’t do much for you. Unless on the off chance you get a role in the show, and he/she is able to light you so brilliantly that somehow you receive your big break etc. . . . Don’t do it.
8. If auditioning with a monologue, please know what play you are auditioning for. For Example: You don’t use a monologue about how your daddy drowned a bag of kittens, when auditioning for A funny thing happened on the way to the Forum. Unless you’re very talented.
9. Please do not attack the director and attempt to sever a limb using piano wire.
And that’s my advice when it comes to auditioning for a play. Although some of those probably will never happen, this is America’s youth we’re talking about here. We should all be very, VERY prepared. Like these folks here, just click on the link.
Be seeing you – Mac Gerber
Re Point #9: I saw that movie — YEESH!!! Disturbing, Arregato for the memory.
Huh. I kind of wish I’d read this BEFORE I got drunk, put on heels I couldn’t walk in, slept with your lighting guy (who seriously wasn’t as good as the last guy), got in a fistfight with the ASM, (I won) and had a sex change operation.
Do you think you could…I dunno, maybe post this outside the studio for the next round? Just a little bit of warning is all I’m asking for.